There are few foods on this planet that have the versatility, popularity, and general deliciousness of nachos. We’re talking a big mound of tortilla chips topped with anything you can imagine. The kind of plate that makes you say, “Oh, I should have gotten a half-order,” but you end up eating them all in one sitting.
All of these factors technically make nachos the perfect shareable date night appetizer. There’s nothing not to like. But, any of us who have ever shared a plate of nachos know that perception is not always reality. In fact, the siren call of cheese, meat, veggies, and other goodies sprinkled over warm, crispy chips can even be a liability… especially if your date doesn’t understand proper nacho etiquette.
Worry not. Anduzzi’s is here to help. In a delicate nacho situation, there are clear moves you can make to reclaim your appetizer dominance… or at least get an equitable share of the toppings.
At the heart of all humans is the instincts of an animal. Though we no longer have to hunt for food in order to survive, our ancient brethren passed on the drive to devour our meals as if they would be our last. That’s especially true when it comes to something as sacred and scrumptious as nachos.
When a big, beautiful plate of meat, cheese, and chips is placed before you, that instinct awakens. Some primordial consciousness takes over, telling you that if you don’t get the most grilled meat or that particularly delicious looking jalapeno, your family will not survive the winter. As you take more toppings, your date does in turn. It’s a dramatic ballet that can only end in tears.
The only solution is to order a plate of nachos large enough to feed a small army. Only when the amount of food is enough in that neither person would be able to finish alone is their room for peace and understanding. This is the way of the nacho.
Like a king among men, the Nacho Granduzzi takes its place, with crispy house fried tortilla chips piled high with beef barbacoa or chicken, queso cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black olives, jalapenos, sour cream, and salsa piled high in a display of delicious, delicious gluttony.
You have your Granduzzi before you, just waiting for the flash of fingers and the gnashing of teeth to begin. While it is so, so tempting to reach out and grab the most coveted nacho on the plate, now is not the time to get greedy. If you snatch a sample, so will your date. Then, we’re back to square one.
The smartest play here is to divide and conquer, so to speak. Don’t be afraid to ask for an extra plate. Distance is the only way to ensure that no one is sneakily swiping from your stash of goodness when you’re not looking. If you’re serious enough, you could even bring your kitchen scale and a protractor to make sure everything’s fair.
Either way, realize that this is a hierarchy of toppings. Obviously, the meat and cheese are going to take top billing. The fastest way to cause tension during these tough negotiations is to try to pocket a little extra barbacoa on the side. An extra jalapeno here or a shred less of lettuce there is commonly acceptable, though.
We understand the logic of giving up sour cream and salsa in their own, seperate bowls, but it’s a strategy that should only be used up until the point that you’ve asked your date their feelings on these two texture-enhancing nacho game changers. Once they’ve confirmed that they love salsa and sour cream as much as the next guy, you’re going to want to equally dollop each newly separated plate with the finesse of a professional oil painter.
The only alternative would be trying to cram an entire chip plus toppings into a ramekin that was only intended as a means of transportation, and that’s just not a good look for someone who’s trying to impress a potential romantic partner. It’s clumsy, and it puts you in the position to run out of these necessary accoutrements long before pop the last chip in your mouth.
We hope that our advice leads you to a life of love and happiness… One where your date doesn’t end up with more tender, tasty chipotle chicken and the queso flows freely over every chip.